The Big Banana

Last week I spent the week in a training class in New York. I came upon the Naked Cowboy as soon as I hit Time’s Square. There he was, in all of his shining glory, and I just couldn’t resist the pose. I noticed right off that he was, well, very endowed, but I can say honestly that I was never close enough to verify the claim. I decided the city should not be called "The Big Apple" and instead should now be called, you guessed, "The Big Banana".

The class was in Rockefeller Center so each morning a co-worker and I walked about 6 blocks to work. NY was a difficult place for me because I am directional challenged. I basically started using a Starbucks counting method to get me back and forth to work. I knew I had to go 2 Starbucks up and 1 Starbucks to the right. According to the Starbucks website there are 68 Starbuck shops within a 5 mile radius of the hotel. That’s no joke either. I was happily jacked up through my entire visit! I guess I was thinking that there would only be one building but of course things are never that simple. The plaza contained about six buildings. As I rounded the corner I heard a loud crowd screaming. Whipping around I scanned the area suspiciously. A screaming crowd was not what I wanted to hear in New York. Suddenly I realized that behind me was the Today show window where everyone stands to watch the show and get on TV. My building was across the street. It really was a nice daily treat for my ego. By the end of the week I became accustomed to the roaring crowd and as I rounded the corner I nodded towards them and said in my head “Thank you! Thank You All Very Much!”

It was pouring down rain by lunch time and I discovered that all of the buildings in the Plaza were connected by underground tunnels around the ice rink that contained little shops and eating places. I ate a sandwich and watched people skating at the rink. Before I even looked I knew he would be there. As I scanned the ice skaters I saw all of the tourists clomping around the rink like they had lead weights inside their boots and there he was. The one lone ice skater. The guy that could actually skate. In the center of the rink, with his shiny slick red and black sequenced dance outfit, was the star of the show. He was practicing one tiny part of his routine over and over again. First the tight tight spin, then the quick stop with the pointing of the toe, and finally the over head sweep, hand drop, and the grand flourish. Silently I munched my sandwich and watched the flourish for about a dozen times over and over again. I tried very hard to be cultured. I tried to be posed and enamored of his skill. But, eventually it happened, and to be honest I knew all along it would, the flourish had gotten to me and it started with a smile and ended with a gut bursting, eye tearing, howling laugh in which I had to remove myself completely from the area. I could hear my mom’s voice in my head saying “I just can’t take you kids anywhere”.

On Wednesday we were all taking a quiz and we heard the unmistakable music of REM shaking the windows. Apparently they were on the Today show for their album debut. My table looked at each other and mouthed “REM” with eye bugging resonance. I was tempted to sneak out but my adult side stayed rooted to the chair and finished the quiz. Luckily someone had snuck away and got photos with his cell phone. We passed the cell phone all around the class under the table. I guess passing notes in class just isn’t what it used to be. I imagined the teacher saying “Now, give me that note right this instance!” That evening a bunch of us were walking to dinner and saw the Rolling Stones coming out of a hotel and getting into a car. There were tons of people surrounding them and there were no less than 20 patrol cars. They literally had a presidential entourage as they traveled. The sirens were full blast and police cars surrounded their car and escorted them through traffic lights without stopping. We read in the paper that they were in town for the premier of ‘Shine a Light’. I have to admit that I did not actually see the Stones through all of the crowd but could only make out the unmistakable tuft of hair whipping out from Keith Richards. Alas, such is my brush with fame. The next morning I was waiting for my entourage to arrive to escort me to work but they must have been late so I left without them. Damn paparazzi!

K. came to see me over the weekend. She only asked to do one thing and that was to be kissed at the top of the Empire State Building. So on Saturday off we went. I was amazed that even at my age I was still giddy and excited at seeing the Empire State Building. As we wound our way up to the top we heard many tidbits about the building such as that it has over 1,000 businesses with its own ZIP Code, that at least 32 people jumped to their deaths off the observation deck on the top during the deck's operation and that the metal-plated tower on top of the building was planned as a zeppelin port. Yet it was used for only one zeppelin landing because the winds were too strong at such heights making mooring dangerous and also because the golden age of zeppelins was quickly slipping into the past. We also heard all of the construction Eric-like facts such as that the building incorporates 10 million bricks, 1,886 kilometres (1,172 miles) of elevator cables, 6,400 windows and weighs 331,000 tons. I was surprised how crowded it was at the top. We were virtually elbow to elbow in most places and I suddenly felt very shy about that kiss that I had promised. K. leaned in and all I could muster was one quick peck followed by “Hey look over there…”. But I saw it in her eyes and knew she was disappointed. The more we walked around the observation deck and looked at the view such as the Statue of Liberty, the Chrysler building, Ellis Island, the more I became aware of that fact that we would never look at these sites for the first time together again. There would only be one first time. I thought about the many first times in my life. The night I was baptized in my church as an adult on the evening of Easter several years ago, the first time I ate caviar (it was awful), the look in the eyes of my parents when I graduated college and on and on the memories go. I knew that first times made an impression. I had vowed to myself long ago to try to live every moment with intention and without regrets. I vowed to try to live each day with love, honor, and dignity to God, myself, and others in the best way that I can even though I often fail. It’s the trying part that matters. With that in mind, I came upon K. from behind, twirled her around, and gave her the kiss that expressed all of these sentiments that were in my heart. I love New York!